How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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