I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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