We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
