I think my fart just growled at me.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Are my feet made of real feet?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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