worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
