im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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