She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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