like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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