I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize