:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
