She's JV to your varsity
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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