I can text with my tongue
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
