i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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