these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
