the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
