I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
