tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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