im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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