shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Also, beer. Big fan.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
