Someone shit on the floor
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
