I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
