It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
