i need an iv and a liver transplant
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
