beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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