Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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