Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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