escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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