Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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