I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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