Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
