i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
