when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
