oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
