I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I supernannyed him into submission
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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