Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
