my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
