Is it normal to miss your booty call?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
