Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
