Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
