She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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