Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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