My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
