yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
