In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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