Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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