I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
