dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
