So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
