Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
