please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
