I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So squirting runs in the family.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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