Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
