I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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