Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
