And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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