We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
