and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
