one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
