I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
