i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
