You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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