Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
