K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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