I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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