He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize