well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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