i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
