Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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