i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
