Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
