Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
