from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
