you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
