How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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