I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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